Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Wheelchair Rapist

In honor of Halloween, I must tell you about 3 Halloween's ago and the Wheelchair Rapist. I went to the Hall with some friends for Halloween. I was dressed as a French Maid and literally 1/2 of my ass was hanging out of my skirt, so naturally sexual harrassment was inevitable. What I didn't realize was that a crazy man in a wheelchair would take sexual harrassment to the next level and become almost a full on rapist.

I went up to the bar and I got a drink. My friend "frizz head" introduced me to her brother. Ironically her brother was 29, paralyzed from the waist down, and in a wheelchair. He was hit by a drunk driver, and even more ironically, was an alcoholic himself. Wheelchair Rapist said hello, and I walked away because I needed to go find someone with a penis that actually worked. As I wandered off and continued drinking and socializing with people, I suddenly felt a hand grab my ass. I turned around and who was behind me? Creepy Wheelchair Rapist. I told him to stop in a jokingly, yet serious, fashion and he rolled away. I thought that was the end of him.

At some point in this evening, I found a random guy and made out with him. Surely Wheelchair Rapist would see me and leave me the fuck alone right? Wrong. Mid makeout session with Captain Jack Sparrow, I feel not just a hand up my fucking skirt, but BOTH hands up my fucking skirt. I thought it was Captain Jack Sparrow until I realized his hands were on my waist. I pulled away and turned around, yet again to find Creepy Wheelchair Rapist copping another feel. I looked at him in the most disgusted way possible and said "Get the fuck away from me dude. Seriously." Captain Jack Sparrow jumped in and said "Yeah man, this is my piece of ass tonight." Wheelchair Rapist hung his head, and in a very pouty kid-in-the-corner type voice mumbled "sorry" and rolled away again.

I kept drinking, went in the bathroom, and snorted some blow. I figured Wheelchair Rapist had gone because I didn't see him anywhere, so I came out of the bathroom and found my friends and we started dancing. Maybe 15 minutes later...I felt fingers. Not on my ass...IN MY FUCKING PUSSY. This mother fucking Wheelchair Rapist must have seen I wasn't wearing panties (serves me right for not wearing any) and took his soonest opportunity to try and finger bang me. That was it, I had had it. I jumped back and then went Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on his ass. I lunged forward spit in his face, and slapped him as hard as humanly possibly. I hit him so hard in fact that Wheelchair Rapist actually spun in a half circle. My friend was pissed I hit her disabled brother and said he hadn't been laid in a long time. NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. My vagina is not a salad bar...you cannot just walk (or wheel) up to it and dig in. I was livid. The bouncers kicked Wheelchair Rapist out of the club and finally I could enjoy myself. It was one of my more bizarre Halloweens, but everything turned out ok. :)

(Note: this story does not imply that I hate disabled people. I only hate disabled people who try and finger me without my consent.)

No comments:

Post a Comment