Saturday, November 17, 2012

Don't Tempt Me With A Dare

You know those Liberty Tax fuckers that stand outside of the Tax place during that time of year? They look like total goobers and everyone honks at them and makes fun of them. Well when you meet one of the poor guys dressed like the Statue of Liberty, your heart goes out to them. Anyways, I had a buddy who decided to go pawn something right next to the tax place. He made fun of the Statue of Liberty guy and honked his horn and when we pulled up to the pawn place he became a total douche and did something I can never refuse. "Hey Barbs...I dare you to fuck the Statue of Liberty." I basically told him to kiss my ass, sit back, and watch the magic happen. I approached Statue of Liberty guy.

"Hey nice costume." He was a dork. A total dork. Glasses, a little bit of acne, skinny, long hair...just looked kind of like a mini-rapist...but damn it, I was not going to turn down this dare. "Oh kinda it's really hot out here." I told mini-rapist that I was going to kidnap him and he was coming to have to fun, so I grabbed him by his costume and pulled him into my friends car. My guy friend kept poking jokes...and said "Barbie here is gonna fuck you with that goofy ass costume on." The poor mini-rapist looked terrified. I told my friend we needed to get get my car.

I put him in the car and we drove to his house. I told him not to get naked, just pull his weiner out of his stinky statue of liberty costume and let me snap a pic. Mission 1 accomplished. Now this is where things got pretty fucking weird. Homeboy says "Since we're playing dress up..."and whips out a Ronald Reagan mask. Oh my god. I knew he was a fucking rapist. He has a big rapist penis for a little creepy dorky guy and this fucking mask makes me feel like I'm banging my grandpa plus the nasty Statue of Liberty costume which smells like old tacos. This could not get worse. Thankfully mini rapist can't hold his nut and busts very quickly. The sex was quite uneventful otherwise and I parted ways with mini rapist.

My friend had his proof and I felt like a complete whorebag, but other wise everything was just fine and dandy.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Peek A Boo Pimpin

When I see something I want...I usually get it. I know a lot of people say this, but I actually mean it. Men are easy to get, however sometimes, you want to find one with a couple of potential challenges. I went out the other night with my buddy and he introduced me to his friend. As soon as I saw the tall sexy muscular friend I knew I wanted to fuck him. He was talking about his bitch and didn't look very happy about his situation in general. I then decided to pull the porn card. Nothing breaks the ice with a person better than showing them a video of you having sex. So he watched a little bit of my porn and then we all 3 decided to leave Rasher's and go over to Peek A Boo. Upon getting there, hot friend started to talk to this stripper who wasn't very attractive. Basically, like 90% of Bradenton strippers she was a butterface with a C-section scar. He proceeded to tell me this former Race Trac employee (busted stripper) wanted to fuck him and then said he wanted to take her home. Knowing he had no idea I wanted to bang him, I decided to establish my dominance.

 Now in the male world, men pee on things to show ownership. Thats fine and dandy but considering I'm not going to whip my vagina out and give hot guy a golden shower in the middle of the strip club, I choose a more subtle approach. While busted stripper sits there and talks to him, I divert attention back to myself by grabbing his dick. I caught him off guard and he kind of looked shocked. I then whisper in his ear that he'd have a lot more fun fucking me than busted stripper. Not just for the obvious reasons that I'm a great lay and give phenomenal head, but also because busted stripper had the chest of a 14 year old prepubescent boy and who wants that when you can have a perky pair of DD's in your face? Busted stripper looked super uncomfortable by this point, but I didn't fucking care. I was gonna get my twat penetrated by this dude before she was.

I then tell my other friend that I will be right back and tell hot guy that we should go outside. He didn't put up much of a fight. When we got outside, we did a couple of illegal substances and then I tell him to unzip his pants. He does, and I proceed to mouth fuck him. Other friend is behind me and getting into his car. He looks kind of pissed off. We later realized that he was pissed off, but not at us. Me and hot guy decide we should continue the fun stuff a little bit later, so we leave and go to Rashers.

We were at Rashers for what seemed like forever, and basically I just wanted to get laid. Once I put my mind to something, I am stuck on it. Other friend joins us at Rasher's and we all decide after a couple of beers to go back to Peek A Boo. I tell friend that I am going to fuck hot he leaves us alone to go back into the strip club. Me and hot guy get naked out in the parking lot...he threw me on top of his car and railed me 6 ways from Sunday...then we got in the backseat and finished the job. The sex was definately worth it.

We then went back inside and I noticed busted stripper was gone. I was a little bummed out because I really wanted her to smell my pussy all over him, nevertheless, I decided to go onto a new mission. Make money. I found some guy who seemed to be making it rain on all the strippers and decided to sit down next to him. He became my new buddy. He handed me a large sum of money to spend on the strippers, but I'd rather keep it for myself, so I keep the wad of ones he has given me and start spending his stack of ones instead. New buddy also tells me to pick a stripper for a lap dance. I grab the least disgusting stripper and get a feature dance next to hot guy.My dance was pretty shitty...I know from experience it's hard to give a lap dance to another girl. I don't have a penis for you to grind on so the natural thing for all strippers to do is bounce their ass off my tits. Every stripper does this to me. Regardless, I stuck a finger in her pussy and then wiped it on her face. Hot guy thought that was pretty funny. So did I.

I thank new buddy and then leave the club with hot guy and friend. Friend was probably a little jealous that hot guy was getting all the attention, however friend had an opportunity before to fuck me and we both just passed out. If this ever happens, I can never have sex with you in the future. Life is about first impressions. So friend has now learned that my vagina is off limits to him.

 As friend is sitting in the back seat of the car I find myself horny again, so I reach over and unzip hot guys pants and proceed to give hot guy some road head. Poor friend just ended up being the blowjob cheerleader behind us. We then got to the gas station where we left friend in the car, and we went in the bathroom and fucked again. Overall, a pretty successful night pimpin at the Peek A Boo.