Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Stripper Stories

This is a compilation of short stories from when I was a stripper:

My first job dancing was at Showgirls in Plant City, Florida (I think they got shut down). It was a bikini bar, and a road stop attraction on the side of the highway. The owner told me I was too hot to work there and I wouldn't make as much money as the ugly girls because men want to think you're accessible and they could take you home with them. That wasn't necessarily the case. Regardless, my first lap dance ever was horrible. The girls called him "The Breadman" because he worked for Wonderbread. He was old and ugly and resembled a homeless pedophile who might be jerking off at a playground under a trenchcoat while pushing a 9 year old on a swing. He picked me because I was the new girl, handed me $50 and we went into the back. Ew. It's so hard to give a lap dance to someone you're not attracted to, so I closed my eyes and pretended he was someone else. He then told me that all I had to do was sit there. So I did. He proceeded to hardcore hump the shit out of me to the point where I had bruises on my inner thighs from his jeans so aggressively rubbing them. I guess this was my stripper initiation of sorts because the girls told me Breadman usually wore a condom, nutted in it during the lapdance and threw it away. Gross. I never danced for him again.

My next fun little adventure was when an extremely intoxicated cop asked me and Pandora (one of the other strippers) for a bed dance. He laid on the bed and we started dancing on him...he liked the smell of our vaginas or something through our panties and then he fucking passed out. He had massive amounts of money in his pockets, so as Pandora danced all over him, $20 bills started to pour out all over the floor. I stepped on them to hide them, then gathered them up. We woke him up, told him he owed us $100 for the bed dance, and when he realized he had no money in his pockets, we lead him over to the ATM where he paid us. After I counted our money and split it between us, we each made over $300 a piece. Success.

I worked the day shift at Showgirls and these 2 very hot guys came in. I approached them, I talked to them, I took the best looking one into the back, gave him a lap dance, topped off with a blowjob since the bouncers weren't paying attention. He paid me $100. When I went home, I told my then boyfriend what I did, and he liked the idea so much, he recommended I start blowing all of my hot customers. I didn't.

My favorite customer was an Indian guy who worked for Suntrust bank. He came in every day on his lunch break. He smelled really bad, but the reason he was my favorite was that he had a foot fetish and all he wanted was for me to sit there for 3 songs, while he removed my shoes and smelled my feet and rubbed them all over his face. He paid me $200 every day. It was awesome and I got a foot massage.

Mons Venus was a totally different ballgame. EVERY type of person went there. It was full nude and that was cool to me because I had brand new tits and I like showing my vagina off, so I fucking loved working there. I especially enjoyed bachelor parties and all the hot little 18 year old boys who came in who had never been to a strip club before. My defining moment was giving Derek Jeter a lap dance. He's fucking Derek Jeter. Grinding my crotch on him was like banging Jessica Alba and Minka Kelly all in one. He was pretty much a strip club connosseur and paid every girl very generously.

Mons Venus also held potential trouble. There's no alcohol so people tend to get shitty drunk before they go there and attempt to stick their fingers in you. I can't tell you how many times a finger "accidently" slipped in me. I felt like I had to douche every night from all the germs that were potentially now inside of me.

Overall, being a stripper is pretty fun, but it's hard work. You have to give countless lap dances, you get bruises and scratches all over you. You pull muscles trying to straddle fat guys and you have to counterpoint the tiniest penises and try and get them hard because fuck, thats your job. You also get immuned to smelling B.O. from the foreigners and migrant workers who forget to shower after picking fucking tomatoes all day. In the end, it's just a job, and it's great money. So overall, I recommend trying it just so can say you did.

1 comment:

  1. I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.