Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Bathrooms: A slut's best friend

In my wild slutty days, I had quite a few bathroom adventures. I'd like to share some of my bathroom booty calls because they fucking rocked.

1. Went to TommyKnockers one night. My ex-boyfriend and I got drunk as fuck and wandered into the bathroom together in the midst of karaoke night. We got it in, started fucking, and a bouncer knocks...no, bangs on the door. He calls us out and says "I know what you were doing in there!" I yell back "Ya, and you fucked up my boyfriend's cum shot." He kicks us out.

2. On my mom's 60th birthday after a night of driving around in a limo and excessive drinking, we go to Annie Moore Irish Pub. On my way to the bathroom, while my mom, grandma, 4 aunts, and sister are distracted by the karaoke, I spot a hot sexy guy at the bar. I grab him by the arm, yank him into the bathroom, pull down his pants and blow the shit out of him. He then strolls out of the bathroom and I return to my mom's birthday party.

3. The Manatee County Courthouse bathroom: I successfully snuck into the courthouse bathroom with 6 different guys at various times to fuck and suck them before they went to jail. Hey, what can I say? I like to be remembered for something.

4. High school: During a football game, myself and another girl sneak into the bathroom for some lesbian lover. She sits on the toilet while I eat her out. Thinking back, it wasn't a very sanitary thing to do. I also faked being sick in the 11th grade so I could end up in the nurses office, where I snuck into the bathroom with a fellow "sick" classmate.

5. In quite possibly the smallest bathroom in the world, I went into the men's room with a guy friend and everytime we got really into the thrusting of the moment, someone would walk in. Finally we said fuck it, and kept going untl we were finished. As I was leaving, a waiter was walking in, who was also hot, and I decided why the hell not? Followed him back into the bathroom, and fucked him in the same toilet stall as the other guy. Yep. Classy. I know.

6. At a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I dragged a fellow drug addict into the bathroom, gave him a BJ, and exited the bathroom. The next time I went back, I was banned from going to that meeting ever again because apparently, I impaired his recovery. Yeah right, that kid impaired his own fucking recovery and I really don't think my mouth on his cock had anything to do with it.

7. In a church. Yep, my ex and I snuck into a church bathroom during mass, fucked like monkeys, then returned to our pew unscathed and undiscovered. AWESOME.

8. My only 3some in a bathroom was done at SCF when it was MCC. 2 guys and I casually walk into the single stall bathroom in the Science hallway and I proceed to get bent over and penetrated in all holes. We all managed to get out of the bathroom before classes were over.

9. When I went and got my newest tattoo, I needed to get money from the ATM to pay for it. My hot ass tattoo artist went across the street to the Hess station with me, and grabbed me randomly by the arm, yanked me into the bathroom and bent me over the sink. When we were done we ran back across the street where he finished my tattoo. His girlfriend was pregnant at the time, so I'm assuming she just didn't give it up enough.

10. The worst thing of all: My ex (who enjoyed watching me fuck other guys) took me to the Hard Rock and began playing poker. Before doing so, he told me to walk around, find a guy, and fuck him for money. I loved my boyfriend and wanted to make him happy, so I found a guy at the bar, told him $300 to fuck, and headed to the bathroom. He paid prior to penetration, and I stuffed the money somewhere. Unfortunately, when we were done fucking in the bathroom, I realized that the money was nowhere to be found and in my drunken stupor, I had stuffed the money into the wrong pair of pants on the floor and back into his pocket. That son-of-a-bitch got lucky.

So there you have it, some of my most favorite potty parties. May you never look at bathrooms the same way.

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