Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Only twice in my 25 years have I met a man with 3 testicles. Once was when I was about 15 years old...he was a kid, and it scared me, because I had never seen a penis IRL, and I had certainly never seen 3 balls. The other experience happened fairly recently and it still leaves a small scar.

I went out to dinner with a nice guy...we had good conversation, and perhaps too much good wine. After all of this, and swearing I would not have sex with him, I ended up in the Sleep Inn with my panties around my ankles. We started to kiss and things were getting quite heated. I did the next right thing...I reached my hand down his Dockers (yes, I know, who wears Dockers? ew.) I felt a penis...normal. But upon further gynocological exploration, I discovered something much more frightening: A third nut. Wait...this is where I removed my hand...took another gamble and figured maybe I was imagining the little bonus. So I pulled the Dockers off for further inspection. He didn't say a word. This is more shocking than anything...because if I had, say, a third nipple...I would certainly warn someone before they noticed it. So I looked...just as I suspected. The 3-Balled Man had struck again! Now I want you to imagine this. 3 nuts looks like...a wild squirrel trapped in a burlap sack...it looks like...a unicorn in a field of daisys...mythical, strange, and downright shocking. I halfway thought it was going to pop out of there and poke my eye out or something. I looked up at Tripod (who I have nicknamed for obvious reasons) with a peculiar face. "Do you know about this?" Then...the worst answer in the history of the world..."I know you like to play with balls anyways...just imagine you're with 2 guys."

Ok. Wait. 2 guys...but one of them is Lance Armstrong? Is that the fantasy we're playing out? No no no. I proceeded to drink more wine...and finally after much begging and pleading on his part about how, it's not his fault, and it's cool, and what not...I drank even more wine...and then, I had sex with him. I had to. After all, how many opportunities in a lifetime does the chance to fuck a tripod come up?

No comments:

Post a Comment