Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Pocket Sized Guido...aww cute
So one night I decide to meet this guy off Zoosk. He sent me a message was 35, a guido (totally my type), and he asked me to go to dinner with him, so I obliged (I'm never one to turn down a free dinner). He comes to pick me up, has a nice car, and a decent body. So we're driving and I look over and start to notice some of his small features. His head is on the small side, his hands are super tiny, and I just can't figure this shit out. So I say to him..."How tall are you?" and he says "Why? What does that matter?" And I respond with "Well I am 5'10." And then I look down...and notice the extenders on his pedals. Oh my god...I'm out with a little person. "I'm 4'7'" I respond with something I think will make him feel a little better..."Well that's cool, I dated a guy who was 5'2." We go to dinner and I'm tryin to have fun, but it's hard to have fun at a Japanese steak house when everyone is staring at you and pointing...like you tucked your skirt into your panties or something. They would look at me, and then look at him and then look back at me. So I do what I always do in these predicaments, I drink to the point where everyone looks good and everyone looks...taller. We leave the place, and I tell him to take me to a bar so I can drink more. We end up going to Evie's aka my local hangout. Little Guido climbs up the stool and sits down...then this drunk 40-something lady comes over and sits next to him. I proceed to get drunker and go up and sing karaoke. When I get back, they're like old pals. She looks at me and says "OMG he's like "the situation" only pocket sized! So sexy!" I smile and nod, and keep drinking. He's starting to become really lame, so I tell him if he's not gonna drink, he can leave and I'll find my own way home...but no...he WON'T leave! He tells me "I'm gonna hang out with Sheila here." WTF. Did I just get dicked over by a little person? So I don't get laid and I get abandoned by a little man at the bar? I'm pissed at this point, so I walk to the bathroom, come back, grab little man, and passionately kiss him in front of Sheila. Then I push him away, and say "There! Now I can say I made out with a dwarf." And storm off. Fuck that...I'm fucking Evil Barbie and no little pocket sized guido fucker is gonna ditch me and get away with it!