Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Joyland:House of a 1000 Hookups

Everytime I go to Joyland I have an interesting experience. So I have broken this down into two Joyland stories which I find to be the most entertaining.

Part One: This incident happened about two years ago, my first trip to Joyland ever. I met up with my two friends, and we drove to Joyland, not knowing what to expect. One of my friends introduced me to another guy, Will. Will was adorable, younger than me (which I love), and was really fun so we started hanging out in the club. He drank...and drank...and proceeded to keep drinking. We make out, things are going ok (even though he's smashed), and we proceed to run out to the truck with the intention of hooking up. The guy starts getting undressed, with his door open (which I attribute to 20+ beers), and now has his pants off. I start to make my move, and bam! He falls out of the truck, onto the ground, butt ass naked. WTF. I am pissed, but willing to help him out, so I get out of the truck and try to help him up, but this drunk fucker won't listen to a word I say. He then starts puking. This was enough puke to fill up a landfill...so here I am, with a drunken idiot, who is naked, puking next to his truck. I have a high tolerance of what I can put up with so I attempt to deal with it. Then...guess who walks up? A fucking cop. He says "He needs to get dressed, or I am going to arrest him right now." I say "ok, I'll do my best." I start dressing Will and take him back inside with me. I sit him down at a table, where he proceeds to pass out. Plan B, I see 2 of my former fuck buddies who promptly drag me outside with them, and we end up having a threesome in the woods behind what is now Country Buffet (i think). I go back inside, hand Will some gum, and proceed to make out with him. I dunno what was worse...me kissing a guy who just puked, or him kissing me,who had just swallowed a gravyboat full of cum? Probably a tie. Regardless, we all left and that was the end of it. I still don't know Will's last name, nor do I really want to.

Part Two: This Halloween was interesting, not only did I wear the sluttiest costume humanly possible, but I went to Joyland with the goal of hooking up with a random guy in the bathroom. As soon as I walked into the bar, I saw a slew of country boys (which I like), along with this sexy dude wearing an Evan Longoria costume. (Basically just a jersey, cleats, and baseball pants, and a hat). I immediately run over and start hitting on Longoria. I tell him, "Yo, you're sexy...I'll be around if you wanna chill." I leave...if he wants me...he'll come find me. Well, find me he does. As I am on the phone, I feel a tug...it's Longoria and he's yanking me outside. I don't know his name, nor do I care, so we go between 2 cars and start making out...and then he pulls out...a giant dick...I mean, it's like Jesus just granted me the Halloween dick of my dreams...I go to work...then, I say, what the hell and we move over to the corner behind Joyland and start fucking on top of this Jeep. I mean, this is good sex, I am quite happy with the turn of events this evening, and we continue going at it. This is where it gets weird...I thought maybe the car that we were fucking on top of was his...when out walk these two fat bitches who start heading in direction. What did we do? Stop fucking? Nope. We kept going. Fat Bitch #1 starts screaming..."Get the fuck off my car, what's wrong with you people!?" Longoria does the coolest thing ever...he looks at the fat bitches and says "You guys can watch or you can join in...either way, I am not leaving this pussy til I'm done." AWESOME. The fat bitches are in shock, turn around and let us finish. Yes, they really LET US FINISH on top of THEIR CAR! We then climb off the car, go back inside, and part ways...we don't exchange numbers, and I still don't know his name.

The point of these stories is: Joyland seems like kind of a shitty place, but really, there is a lot of quality ass to find there. So good luck and happy fucking.

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