Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Mr. Wet Blanket
We all know him...that one dude who just doesn't get it. He plays second fiddle to his hotter friends and every once in a while he gets stuck in a fabulous predicament which works in his favor. Unfortunately, this predicament involves me and one of the worst sexual encounters of my life. The night started out fine enough, this gorgeous marine was going to pick me up, and lets just say my intentions with him were less than honorable. He picks me up, and fuck, guess who's in the backseat? Mr. Wet Blanket aka the Cock Block.We go to Evie's and start drinking. Mr. Wet Blanket is at our table too, and when he leaves to go the bathroom, I seize my opportunity and make out with marine boy.Now, lemme explain a little better....marine boy suffers from serious PTSD and I would soon experience this. We leave the bar and start heading to Mr. Wet Blanket's house so we can drink some more. I'm getting molested by hot marine guy who is sucking my tits and fingering my pussy and butthole (I think, but don't remember). So at some point, I have to pee, so I leave the room and when I come back, the marine is gone. What the fuck? I ask Mr. Wet Blanket where his much hotter friend has gone, and he says, "Shit, I think his girlfriend called and he left." Oh fuck, so now I'm stuck with lame-o. So I finish my beer until lame-o looks a little better and we sit there awkwardly for about 5 minutes. At this point, I'm like fuck, what can we do to kill 20 minutes? So I swallow my pride and start making out with Mr. Wet Blanket. Things quickly escalate and he's now attempting to fuck me with this pathetically small penis. At this point, I'm looking at my watch while Mr. Wet Blanket humps me like a dog....I'm making these fake "oh yeah...oh baby" noises and rolling my eyes (not in a good way). Finally, its over...just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he starts nuzzling up in my neck, trying to cuddle with me, and saying how nice my hair smells. Then the kid says it's his birthday tomorrow and I was the best gift ever. Oh yay, fucking good for me, I get to be Wet Blanket's mother fucking birthday present. I then get a text from hot marine man that says "....blank....really likes you". Ok, gee thanks asshole, you abandoned me with your much less attractive friend and I had awful, short, couldn't-feel-it sex with him. I hope you're both happy. Dude drops me off at home, tries to kiss me good-bye, but I turn a cheek and leave...the next day I'm getting texts saying "lets hang out." Oh hell no....you and your little pecker can go find a new victim. Never again.