The first time I ever drank alcohol I was 17 (yes, I was fucking a late bloomer...you can suck it!). I went on a date with this gorgeous European doctor that I met at, duh, the hospital. He was 32, and he took me out to this great restaurant in Washington DC. I'm assuming they thought because he was older that I must be at least 21, because he ordered and they didn't card us, and I proceeded to drink. A lot. I ordered every different drink I could think of because shit, why not? I might not get this opportunity again for awhile. I can only imagine what the waitress thought...she must have been like "Damn, homegirl's an alcoholic like a motha fucka!" So we leave the restaurant and I stumbled down the street like a down syndrome baby trying to walk in a moon bounce. When we got to the car, we decided to go for a "drive" aka, let's go park the car and fuck in it.
Things started out pretty sloppy...I threw up on his shoes. Not just any shoes, but Versace shoes which he wasn't too thrilled about, but I was jailbait, so he got over it. This is where another first for me happened. He started to unzip his pants, and I was drunk as fuck so I'm pretty sure I tried sucking his zipper off. He was hard, and then he whipped it out...I beheld quite possibly the ugliest penis ever. It resembled a Shar Pei...really wrinkly looking and smushy. I looked down at it and in horror I exclaimed "Ew...what the fuck is wrong with your dick?" He gave me the strangest look ever and started laughing and told me it was uncircumsized. Uncircumsized? Wow! I thought this was an urban legend or something because I was in shock. Why did it look like one of those cocktail weiners aka pigs in a blanket? Gross.
I sat there staring at it for like 5 minutes before I finally looked at him and said "Nope, uh uh...ain't happenin, take me home." He asked me why and I told him "I can't touch that thing...it probably has AIDS! And how am I supposed to suck it? Peel back the layers like a fruit roll up or something?" I made this Dr. feel like shit. He didn't talk to me the whole ride home. I don't know if anyone had ever had this extreme of a reaction to his centipede cock, but his ego was quite bruised and his balls were quite blue. When I got home I actually cried because I had just seen this scary ass dick that I was quite sure was going to rape me or kill me.
Long story short, I got a little older, saw more Shar Pei's and eventually got used to them, and even enjoyed them in some cases. I figure now that pedo Dr. got what he deserved for being 32 trying to take advantage of an innocent (haha) 17 year old girl.