Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fuck Me, I'm Famous

Very few times in your life will you encounter a celebrity. Even fewer times in your life will you get the chance to hook up with one. So as any self-respecting female would do, I did what was right for my country and hooked up with the only celebrity I have ever encountered in a story I now dub "Fuck Me, I'm Famous". I went to a UFC fight several years ago, and who did I see but a very infamous baseball player best known for his issues with substance abuse. I really didn't think much of it because I didn't recognize him initially and he was kind of old and not my type and I was on a date. Said celebrity who will remain nameless at this time, approached me and 12 other females with his entourage and basically pointed at us 1 by 1 and said "I want all ya'll to come with me." I looked at my date next to me and he said "Holy shit...do you know who that is? You better go with him." Oh jesus. I told my date I would call him if anything weird happened. What I didn't realize as a 19 year old naive girl was that I was about to enter into the sex, drug, and rock and roll scene at it's finest. He took us in 2 limos. My limo was a Hummer filled with a well-known rapper who was feeling all over me, 2 very large bouncers and 5 other girls. We pulled up at the Grand Hyatt and all exited the vehicle. We went up to the most fabulous room I have ever seen...and celebrity sat on the couch. He told everyone to make themselves comfortable and introduce themselves. He told me I was a "fine young bitch" and I grabbed a glass of champagne. Creepy rapper guy kept feeling on me and that was when they broke out the drugs. I was only a pothead at the time and on the table was crack, powder, several stems, ecstasy, and a whole bunch of other unidentified illegal substances. I agreed to try some crack because thats what celebrity was doing. Ok...now that I was officially skeeted and paranoid as fuck, I observed girls start to dyke out and get naked. So I got naked too and told celebrity I had done some porn recently. At this point I was all for hooking up, especially when celebrity's bodyguard walked around and handed me and each one of the other girls a substantial sum of money. I stuck my money in my purse, grabbed celebrity and yanked him in the bedroom. I was quite fucked up, and I grabbed 3 other girls to join us. Rapper guy tried to come in the suite, but celebrity wanted all of us to himself. I then partook in a 5-some with a large penis, and several different vaginas. I left the bedroom and the entourage was out in the main area having a massive gang bang. I kissed celebrity goodbye, said I had to be going and he tried to get me to stay and smoke more crack. I wasn't really interested in doing this so I left. I called my date and I told him to come pick me up, but if he couldn't I had about $3,000 to get a cab with. He begged to know what happened and when I told him, he didn't even seem shocked. It was one of the most interesting nights of my life for sure, and the only reason I even fucked him was because he was famous.

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