Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Surfing Punk

I met Jon through a mutual friend and we quickly became boyfriend and girlfriend. He took me out everywhere, was absolutely deliciously hot, and we had a lot of fun together. I guess Jon didn't realize how umm...experienced I was sexually, because I told him some stories which caught him off guard. He told me he had only been with 2 girls, so I was all happy and shit. We went to the beach one day, and I didn't wear any makeup...which I found out was going to be the demise of our one week long relationship. After we went to the beach, we went to (take a guess)...his grandparents trailer to get it on. WTF is with all these dudes and their grandparents trailers...this just went to show me I needed to be more selective about who I sleep with. Anyways, we have sex...it's surprisingly pretty good and we leave the trailer to go to dinner @ go figure again...Applebees. While in the car, Jon tells me that I am much hotter with makeup on, and I don't look the same without it, and then he tells me he's dumping me. WTF because I wore no makeup? Shit, I must be hideous...this straight up pissed me off, so I started spitting out insults at his ass about his perfectly sculpted bleached out hair, and his little bitch hands, and his long disgusting toenails, and the fact that I found a booger in his nose. Haha. (Gimme a break, I was like 17). Well, after all this I had just simply had enough, so I balled my fist up and straight up punched this mother fucker in the face! I hit his cheek and his head went flinging into the window like a crash test dummy. He like, flipped out on me...to which I said "no, no, fuck you...you're still taking me to dinner!" This kid was straight up dumb, he took me to Applebee's and after I finished eating, I excused myself to the bathroom, left him with the check, and left with some guy I was eye fucking across the restaurant. (I told him this douche bag with the black eye had dumped me, and I wanted to get him back.) A week later, I start receiving prank calls from little girls (apparently friends of his) about how I should have never hit a guy, and that I'm some sort of man beater and they threaten to key my car. What the fuck ever...I never saw Jon again. The irony here is, that Jon later found me online and apologized for being a dickhead. I, however, never apologized for punching his stupid ass in the face.

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