Tuesday, January 3, 2012

An Ode To Rehab Romance

  Going to rehab was one of the best things I ever did, not because it helped me get clean, but because it lead to a whole slew of rehab romances. Now, I know what you're thinking...."oh great, a bunch of junkies gettin it on..." well basically you're right, but it was so much more than that. The first was "Smiles"... I had my eye on him from the beginning. The first time we fucked it was so wild and naughty...we snuck into this trailer in the back of the rehab center, went in the bathroom, and he bent me over a sink and just railed the shit out of me. This would be the first of many times we would hook up...but our continuation of sex would eventually lead me to 2 months in jail and getting kicked out of the program. Nevertheless, we would fuck anywhere...bathrooms, on the salad bar, in the walk in refrigerator, in a shed, in a room....it didn't matter because we were crazy about eachother.
The next brief romance was with "Tomcat" I wanted this kid so bad...he seemed sort of goofy and innocent, but the most I ever got out of him was a steamy makeout session behind the laundry room. By now, the whole rehab was starting to hear about my...adventures, and my dyke bitch of a counselor was being alerted by faggots trying to guard their own asses. I was constantly stuck being reprimanded, but I denied and denied.
After all of this I met my God. More like, my perfect sexual match. Alex, aka "Mr. Body" showed up one weekend. He was a man whore, but he was sexy as fuck. I instantly wanted him...Late that night, I snuck in his back window and we fucked like wild animals...This developed into a problem, however, because I had "Smiles" all jealous, and I wanted them both so I just kept doing them both...and then I lied about it.
Very briefly, a sexy Italian came into my life..."Barbershop Joey" was a hairstylist, and very possibly the best looking guy at rehab...(which is like being the smartest kid with down syndrome, but oh well) We had a 2 day stint of steamy makeouts...but he fucked a fat chick, so that kinda ruined him for me...then he left.
My bisexuality got the best of me when I started playing with "Juicy J". She was a really cute girl, and I think I taught her quite a bit...whenever our room mates would leave, we would play...and this soon became a problem again because she had a guilty conscience and was a bad liar. I ended up having a 3some on Christmas with "The Body" and *ugh* a not so hot chick...and told only Juicy J...and...well, to save her own ass, she turned me in, and I revealed our lesbian love affair, and all of us got kicked out and went to jail. So very lame.
Anyways, the moral is, rehab can be an eye-opening, fun experience...but you have to limit your fun or you'll go to jail like me, and whatever you do, don't tell ANYONE ...

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