Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Swing A Ding Ding

My first trip to a swinger's club was a memorable one for sure. My ex and I decided to go to Nightmoves in Tampa. He had this creepy fetish for seeing me with other guys, so his great idea was to go to this club, meet a hot couple and swing. We get to Nightmoves and it's pretty nice. There's cages for girls to dance in, a huge bar, and a dance floor and poles, etc. We're initially approached by a very well dressed older couple. The man was an Orthopedic surgeon and she was a stay at home mom. She was definately a MILF, so I was pretty down. He was like 46, which was kind of creepy to me, but I figured maybe we could give them a shot later. I wanted to check out the rest of this club first, so we headed in the back...the best area of all. There was a room with big white couches and porn playing on big screen TVs. We then followed this walkway back to the fucky fucky rooms. There was a giant room for orgies, with pillows on the floor, and a whole bunch of various "themed" rooms and all of them had windows where you could watch the people inside have sex. It was pretty fucking cool. Anyways, on to the good part. I get fucking wasted, and we decide to go back into the room with these people. We all get naked and my stupid boyfriend couldn't get a boner for the life of him, so he stood in the corner like a fucking creeper and tossed me to the wolves. I was completely intimidated. First of all, the lady turned from sweet to psycho scary dominatrix chick in about 30 seconds flat. She yelled at me "Suck that cock you stupid whore!" So I started sucking the guys cock, and then my drunkenness got the best of me. I started crying...while giving....a blowjob. I've never cried while doing anything sexual, but I was fucking wasted and this bitch was yelling in my ear, jamming my head up and down on her creepy old husbands cock while my boyfriend stood in the corner jerking off his tiny little penor. I couldn't take it! I bit that mother fucker's dick (he screamed and called me a bitch), pushed that bitch away from me, and ran out of the room. Naked. So now I'm running down these hallways naked, clutching my clothes, dodging people who are all looking at me like "WTF is wrong with this stupid blonde cunt?" I was trying to find a place to get dressed, I didn't give a fuck what happened to my boyfriend at this point, and I just want to leave. Then, I find a bathroom, start to get dressed, and vomited...every-fucking-where. The shots of Patron caught up to me. My boyfriend found me and asked what my problem was. I remember looking at him, still crying saying "I can't fucking do this! That guy is old and that lady frightens me and you are NO fucking help with your erectile dysfunction!" He was pissed, then went and apologized to the people. I did the walk of shame back down the hallways as all the people watched me. I hung my head, and just got in the car and we left. The moral of the story is: Don't go to a swinger's club and fuck the 1st people who talk to you.

Sidenote: We did go back to the same club several months later. In fact, we saw the same people there, and they shot us dirty looks. We found hotter younger people to swing with and even threw our buddy Steve into the orgy room and watched him get gang-blown by a bunch of horny old chicks.

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