Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Looks Can Be Deceiving

So recently, I hung out with someone who appeared to be incredible. Like super duper good-looking, quite successful, and very well known (but will remain nameless). I couldn't wait to get it on with him...really. So he takes me on what I think might be a date, which ends up being a sex-date. A sex date is when a guy lures you out under false pretenses of going to see a movie, or go get dinner, then takes you to his house, and proceeds to take off his clothes and then expects you to do the same...which, because girls are sluts, they usually do. So anyways, we get to his house...he's kinda boring. Its one of those guys that you try so hard to make conversation with, that you just give up and say, "well, I can't get him to talk, so I might as well just fuck him." So we start getting it on...we're making out, it's kinda sexy, and then...yep...you guessed it...Hottie McHotHot pulls out a really skinny-5 incher-on- a -good-day penis. Now, it's not that I have some gaping abyss of a vagina, but size does matter. Don't let girls lie to you guys, you should either go to XTC and get a dick extender or expect to be cheated on the rest of your life, unless you fuck midgets...I hear they have shallow vaginas. Anyways, the dude is so hot, and is a pro-athlete, so I expect he must have good rhythm, right? WRONG! He does what i like to call call "jack-rabbiting" and whoever invented it should be shot. Jackrabbiting is when someone does these spastic little quick, shallow thrusts, much like what a rabbit does. And then on top of the jackrabbiting, he starts trying to swirl his hips. Epic fail. Honestly, at this point I was like...ok I'm gonna try and teach him, so I am trying to help out his thrust. Hard, deep thrusting is a good thing guys...But no, he doesn't want my help, so I continue to barely feel his tiny penor, and endure this awful jackrabbiting bullshit for another 5 minutes when he gets off me (thank god), and goes to throw the condom away. After this, I tell him to drive me to another friend's house(because obviously I am not satisfied) where I proceed to have some of the best sex of my natural born life...I never spoke to "The JackRabbit" ever again, and you can walk away with this, just because someone is hot and seems to have it all, does not mean they're good in bed. LOOKS can be a fucking deceiving bitch.

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