Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Wanna go to a BBQ? Your meat on my grill.

My ex boyfriend and I were quite sexually liberated. There was the time he ate my pussy at a party in front of approximately 45 people, or the numerous times I fucked his room mate and him for the video camera, but the best public sex act involved a BBQ, mass quantities of cocaine, and a refrigerator (allow me to explain). It was around March 2008, and I had just had my boobs done so my boyfriend was all over me. We went to this party/BBQ and naturally the majority of people there didn't like us. Him for fighting, me for being a slut. When we went inside, the ex whipped out a huge bag of cocaine and dumped it on the table. Suddenly a whole shit ton of people were surrounding us wanting a line, and we proceeded to distribute to the people we were cool with and did a shit ton ourselves and the assholes who didn't like us just had to sit there and watch (sucks for them). Afterward, we were feeling a little frisky and very skeeted. We proceeded to go to the nearest bathroom and opened the door to find a dude pooping. Gee, this was very sexy, nothing like a stinky pile of shit to get you in the mood. We then found another bathroom. This bathroom was facing the outside door where the BBQ was going on and it didn't have a door on it. Fuck it. We both got naked and laid on the floor and started going at it. There was a whole audience of people watching his ass thrust away. The BBQ coordinator (a stupid little cunt) didn't like this very much. She ran over to the bathroom, stood in the doorway and started yelling at us to get out, that we were disgusting, that we were disrespecting her and a whole bunch of other random insults. My boyfriend and I were numb as can be, so we ignored her and kept fucking while approximately 50 people cheered us on. After attempting to nut about 5 times, my numb, limp, ex boyfriend decided it was time to leave...but not before causing more trouble. I stayed inside and snorted more lines with some random people. He, however, ran outside, punched a random dude in the face, and got jumped by 4 other people (yeah, he was one of those guys who says he can fight, but he's really all talk because he ends up getting his ass handed to him). As he was getting beat, someone decided to call the cops. Not wanting to get arrested, the majority of people started taking off. I ran outside and got the car ready to go and for some odd reason my ex decided this was a good time to go steal. Because the bitch who owned the house was, just that, a fucking bitch, he decided to take a black plastic bag, and rob her....refrigerator. I have to give it to the kid...he took a ton of food. The big black plastic bag had everything in it...steak, milk, cheese, frozen dinners, basically every food item in this girls refrigerator was gone. He put it in the back of my car and I guess in the midst of all the chaos, no one noticed him raiding the fridge. We then rode off into the sunset.

The results: 3 people got arrested that night (not us), we were so fucked up, we forgot the food, which sat in the backseat of my car for several days and then rotted, so my car smelled like a used diaper filled with indian food for several months afterward.

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