Saturday, November 17, 2012

Don't Tempt Me With A Dare

You know those Liberty Tax fuckers that stand outside of the Tax place during that time of year? They look like total goobers and everyone honks at them and makes fun of them. Well when you meet one of the poor guys dressed like the Statue of Liberty, your heart goes out to them. Anyways, I had a buddy who decided to go pawn something right next to the tax place. He made fun of the Statue of Liberty guy and honked his horn and when we pulled up to the pawn place he became a total douche and did something I can never refuse. "Hey Barbs...I dare you to fuck the Statue of Liberty." I basically told him to kiss my ass, sit back, and watch the magic happen. I approached Statue of Liberty guy.

"Hey nice costume." He was a dork. A total dork. Glasses, a little bit of acne, skinny, long hair...just looked kind of like a mini-rapist...but damn it, I was not going to turn down this dare. "Oh kinda it's really hot out here." I told mini-rapist that I was going to kidnap him and he was coming to have to fun, so I grabbed him by his costume and pulled him into my friends car. My guy friend kept poking jokes...and said "Barbie here is gonna fuck you with that goofy ass costume on." The poor mini-rapist looked terrified. I told my friend we needed to get get my car.

I put him in the car and we drove to his house. I told him not to get naked, just pull his weiner out of his stinky statue of liberty costume and let me snap a pic. Mission 1 accomplished. Now this is where things got pretty fucking weird. Homeboy says "Since we're playing dress up..."and whips out a Ronald Reagan mask. Oh my god. I knew he was a fucking rapist. He has a big rapist penis for a little creepy dorky guy and this fucking mask makes me feel like I'm banging my grandpa plus the nasty Statue of Liberty costume which smells like old tacos. This could not get worse. Thankfully mini rapist can't hold his nut and busts very quickly. The sex was quite uneventful otherwise and I parted ways with mini rapist.

My friend had his proof and I felt like a complete whorebag, but other wise everything was just fine and dandy.

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